What have been some of the worst Christmas movies you've seen? I've noticed a lot of them seem to be on The Hallmark Channel. Here's one that I have seen.
Single Santa Seeks Mrs Clause.
Holy crap, what an awful movie! This monstrosity stars Steve Guttenburg, from the Police Academy movies, as "nick" who's looking for a wife, so the Christmas tradition can continue when "maw and paw" Clause retire. What struck me odd, and confirmed this movie's shittyness, was the way Nick would laugh when something funny would happen....he would "ho, ho, ho" in his laugh. The first time I saw him do this, I just shook my head in disbelief. Just terrible.
While I was lucky enough to not watch the whole movie, I caught enough of it to know it wasn't going to put me in the Christmas mood. If anything, it would probably cause me to go drop a yule log or two in ye ole Christmas bowl. There are some other titles I have noticed and after reading their descriptions, I wonder if they too will be just as shitty as the Guttenburg scat I witnessed. A couple I predict will stink are.......
Annie Clause is Coming to Town.
What? "Annie Clause"? This sounds more like a porn movie than a Christmas story. This poo fest has Santa's daughter heading to California for love and adventure (more porn references?). When she meets the perfect mate, She more than likely will get married, elf her fucking brains out and inherit the family business when her parents retire (sounds an awful lot like the single santa movie mentioned earlier). Unfortunately, there's an evil elf who has plans of getting the business for himself and he hires an actor to try to win her heart first. Wait. Didn't Santa have any input during the hiring process for the position of "Santa's helper" when interviewing elves? Somebody up there must be slacking on the interview team.
Next we have The Night Before The Night Before Christmas. In this fecal film fest, Santa is shot down by the US government and crash lands into a self absorbed workaholic couple's home who seem to have lost the spirit of Christmas and the welfare of others. In a dramatic twist of irony, Santa has amnesia from the crash so the spirit of Christmas rest in the hands of these selfish fuckers to make things right and put our mind at ease. Really? This was the best script they could come up with? I give it a "D"....for "doo-doo". As with all shitty films, I'm sure there will be a sequel titled The Night Before, The Night Before, The Night Before, The Night Before, Christmas and it will probably be directed by Mel Tillis.
Finally, we have Santa Buddies. It's geared more for toddlers so I'll go easy on it. It freaking sucks reindeer shit. I know, because I had to watch this disgusting piece of garbage last night. Am I supposed to believe dogs can really talk? Or worse? That Reverend Jim (Christopher Loyd) has quit his taxi driving job to become a burned out dog catcher and that Santa (George Wendt), in his younger years, used to be some drunk that hung out at bar in Boston during the 80s and 90s? Unbelievable.
The wife seemed to think it would be a good idea for Little Man and us to see it as a family. As they laughed and chuckled at the cute talking doggies, I winced in pain and puked uncontrollable in my lap. I kept asking myself why she would think this film would be enjoyable to watch, then I asked myself should I even consider to have sex with this woman again as she obviously has lost her freaking mind.
Oh well, that's about all I have. What pieces of Christmas poo put to film have you watched, er, had to endure or knew to avoid?
Single Santa Seeks Mrs Clause.
Holy crap, what an awful movie! This monstrosity stars Steve Guttenburg, from the Police Academy movies, as "nick" who's looking for a wife, so the Christmas tradition can continue when "maw and paw" Clause retire. What struck me odd, and confirmed this movie's shittyness, was the way Nick would laugh when something funny would happen....he would "ho, ho, ho" in his laugh. The first time I saw him do this, I just shook my head in disbelief. Just terrible.
While I was lucky enough to not watch the whole movie, I caught enough of it to know it wasn't going to put me in the Christmas mood. If anything, it would probably cause me to go drop a yule log or two in ye ole Christmas bowl. There are some other titles I have noticed and after reading their descriptions, I wonder if they too will be just as shitty as the Guttenburg scat I witnessed. A couple I predict will stink are.......
Annie Clause is Coming to Town.
What? "Annie Clause"? This sounds more like a porn movie than a Christmas story. This poo fest has Santa's daughter heading to California for love and adventure (more porn references?). When she meets the perfect mate, She more than likely will get married, elf her fucking brains out and inherit the family business when her parents retire (sounds an awful lot like the single santa movie mentioned earlier). Unfortunately, there's an evil elf who has plans of getting the business for himself and he hires an actor to try to win her heart first. Wait. Didn't Santa have any input during the hiring process for the position of "Santa's helper" when interviewing elves? Somebody up there must be slacking on the interview team.
Next we have The Night Before The Night Before Christmas. In this fecal film fest, Santa is shot down by the US government and crash lands into a self absorbed workaholic couple's home who seem to have lost the spirit of Christmas and the welfare of others. In a dramatic twist of irony, Santa has amnesia from the crash so the spirit of Christmas rest in the hands of these selfish fuckers to make things right and put our mind at ease. Really? This was the best script they could come up with? I give it a "D"....for "doo-doo". As with all shitty films, I'm sure there will be a sequel titled The Night Before, The Night Before, The Night Before, The Night Before, Christmas and it will probably be directed by Mel Tillis.
Finally, we have Santa Buddies. It's geared more for toddlers so I'll go easy on it. It freaking sucks reindeer shit. I know, because I had to watch this disgusting piece of garbage last night. Am I supposed to believe dogs can really talk? Or worse? That Reverend Jim (Christopher Loyd) has quit his taxi driving job to become a burned out dog catcher and that Santa (George Wendt), in his younger years, used to be some drunk that hung out at bar in Boston during the 80s and 90s? Unbelievable.
The wife seemed to think it would be a good idea for Little Man and us to see it as a family. As they laughed and chuckled at the cute talking doggies, I winced in pain and puked uncontrollable in my lap. I kept asking myself why she would think this film would be enjoyable to watch, then I asked myself should I even consider to have sex with this woman again as she obviously has lost her freaking mind.
Oh well, that's about all I have. What pieces of Christmas poo put to film have you watched, er, had to endure or knew to avoid?
